Jimmy Kimmel Live
The big story out of the BET show was Eminem launching a five-minute freestyle attack on Donald Trump. It was very well done. He found a way to rhyme the word “orange,” which previously had been thought impossible.
It was a blistering condemnation of the president, especially interesting because at one time Donald Trump endorsed Eminem for president. Now he’s a “loooser!” Trump is so [ticked], he just revoked Dr. Dre’s medical license.
Vanity Fair had a story today that says Trump told his long-time security chief, “I hate everyone in the White House.” The White House responded today by saying “the president’s mood is good and his outlook on the agenda is very positive.” Imagine, the White House has to announce the president’s mood is good.
The report also says he’s not getting along with his chief of staff, Gen. John Kelly. In response to that the president tweeted — as he rarely does, but he decided this story is totally made up by the dishonest media — “the Chief is doing a FANTASTIC job for me and, more importantly, for the USA.” So Chief’s gone by, what, Monday, Tuesday tops?
Trump has an interesting way of answering questions about John Kelly whenever they ask what he thinks of him: “He’s a general.” That’s like being asked what you think of your steak and you say, “It was a cow.”
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Lindsay Lohan today defended movie producer Harvey Weinstein amid allegations of sexual harassment, saying that she feels “very bad” for him and she doesn’t “think it’s right what’s going on.” At which point her friend said, “Lindsay, that’s a manatee.”
Taylor Swift announced she is launching a new app called “The Swift Life” that will feature “Taymojis,” which are emojis that look like her. And they all have one thing in common – they’re all surprised.
Apple is reportedly designing an iPhone with a foldable display. “We’re getting ready to fold too!” said BlackBerry.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Over the summer, Trump met with top military officials and said he wanted a nearly tenfold increase in the U.S. nuclear arsenal. A tenfold increase? Excuse me while I onefold into the fetal position.
A tenfold increase. Why tenfold? Why not a thousandfold? Is ten just how high he can count? “I want it more by this many.”
We could be reaching a whole new level of angry Trump because a report out today says people close to the president say he is “unstable,” “losing a step,” and “unraveling.” So keep in mind that means, up till now, he’s been “raveled.”
So why is he unraveling? Well, he reportedly told his longtime personal security chief, “I hate everyone in the White House!” Mr. President, I know exactly how you feel.