Jan 21th From: 01/11/18
The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
Tomorrow, President Trump will have his first physical since taking office. They’ll get off to a weird start when he eats an entire jar of cotton balls because he thinks they’re marshmallows.
You’ll know Trump eats a lot of junk food when the doctor puts his stethoscope to his chest and Trump’s heart whispers, “Help me!”
There will be another awkward moment when Trump tells the doctor he’s sexually active, and from the waiting room, Melania yells, “Fake news!”
The CEO of Domino’s Pizza announced that he is stepping down this summer. He’ll carefully pack up his office, then get home and find that all his stuff is stuck to the top of the box.
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Sen. Jeff Flake said today that President Trump’s proposed border wall doesn’t need to be a wall, but more of a fence. They’ll even settle for a net or a sternly worded sign, parking cones, and if they still can’t afford it, just get some old guy who yells, “Get! Get outta here!”
According to NBC News, former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon has hired a lawyer to help him prepare to testify before the House Intelligence Committee. I’d say Bannon is starting to sweat, but I’m pretty sure he never stopped.
President Trump announced yesterday the delivery of F-52 fighter jets to Norway, despite the F-52 being a fictional aircraft from the game of “Call of Duty.” So bad news, Norway. It sounds like you’re not getting those battle carts, either.
First lady Melania Trump has added three new people to her personal White House staff. She just needs one more to make it over the fence.
The Late Late Show with James Corden
After several reports that key White House officials are planning to leave the administration, Donald Trump has now asked his staff to decide by the end of the month whether they’re going to quit or stay on through the November midterm elections. They’re asking THEIR STAFF who’s going to be leaving the White House — right now, they should be asking the JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, “Who’s going to be leaving the White House?”
I don’t want to say Trump is being petty, but he said to the staff, “If you leave, just to be clear, you’re not breaking up with me, I’m breaking up with you.”
At the end of the meeting, Trump gave employees a choice. Basically, it went like this: “Listen, you guys have to decide by the end of the month whether you’re going to —” And they went, “Leave. We choose leave. Bye.”