Late Night With Seth Meyers
President Trump met with a Congressional Black Caucus today. And before the meeting, Attorney General Jeff Sessions picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1, just in case.
According to a new report, the average health insurance deductible is projected to be over $1,500 higher under the Republican plan to replace Obamacare. And the only way that’s good news is if hearing it gave you a heart attack now, while it’s cheaper.
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said yesterday that President Trump is looking to reaffirm America’s commitment to NATO. Spicer said, “Trump will do everything in his power to find out what NATO stands for.”
Wal-Mart recently released a statement condemning the actions of two Texas men who rode their horses through the store. Though really, it’s Wal-Mart’s fault for selling them.
A new study has found three new substances in addition to catnip that will get cats high. And they are marijuana, crack, and heroin.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
For weeks now, Republicans have been pushing their Obamacare replacement plan. But the bill has a pre-existing condition: Everybody hates it!
The failing healthcare bill isn’t Trump’s only problem. Last week, two federal judges ruled against Trump’s second travel ban. Apparently, when Donald Trump heard about the ruling, he was upset. So, this is true, “White House officials tried to cheer the president up by showing him a segment on Greta Van Susteren’s show, which argued the Supreme Court would never uphold the ruling.”
They treat the president the same way you treat a 5-year-old throwing a tantrum. “Honey, honey, calm down. Look, look, we got ‘Frozen’. We got the CD for ‘Frozen’. Let’s put it in there.”
But if positive coverage helps calm down the big angry man with the launch codes, I say do it. I want to help. That’s why I had The Late Show’s in-house news team, “Real News Tonight,” make a new report that the White House can play at any time.