The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
The International Olympic Committee just announced that it has banned Russia from competing in the 2018 Winter Olympics because of doping violations. Or, as Putin put it, "Hello, Donald? Is time to return a favor."
Russia was banned from the Olympics. But Russia doesn’t mind — they said they’ll just invade some other teams.
It’s very interesting — athletes from Russia can still participate, but they won’t get credit for winning any medals. Yeah, Olympic events that don’t matter — or as most people call it, “curling.”
Robert Mueller issued a subpoena to Deutsche Bank for documents on its relationship with President Trump. Trump couldn't believe it – he said, "I thought it was pronounced 'Douche Bank.' It was funny – that's why I joined! I’ve been a proud card-carrying douche since 1987.”
A new report says Mike Pence's wife thinks Donald Trump is "totally vile." Coincidentally, Donald Trump’s wife thinks Donald Trump is "totally vile."
A spokeswoman for Roy Moore has defended him, saying there are plenty of women in Alabama that he didn’t sexually abuse. She said, "We prefer to look at the glass as 'half-ungroped.'"
Yesterday, another woman came forward with proof from the 1980s that Roy Moore pursued her when she was 17. Moore said, "What can I say? Back then I was into older women."
Russia has been banned from the Winter Olympics. But don’t feel bad, Russia – even though you won’t win any gold medals, you did win the U.S. presidential election.